Monday, August 18, 2014

Eyebrows and Nails....and Jamberry?..... OH MY!

So, here I am...SIX months later! I haven't written because, well, I had a complete and total relapse. I have NO eyebrows...again!  It's a catch 22, really. Have nails or have eyebrows...I can't have both.  In order to grow them out I had NO nails.   I mean none. Bitten down to the quick to the point of bleeding and pain.  And I hated it. I didn't have a choice, you see, it was bowling season. And I can't bowl with nails on.  I said that the day bowling season ended, I was getting nails put back on-and I did.   I thought I was "cured." I thought I could handle it. I had done so well...not picking, not pulling, that I thought I could get nails and keep going on the path I was on.  I. WAS. WRONG!  It's embarrassing.  It's humiliating.  And I felt like I was letting people down.  Tom was (and is) such a support. And all the ladies in my phone, too. Telling me how great I was doing. Telling me how proud they were. And I let them all down. I felt ugly (again).  I felt shame. I couldn't stop, though. I watched all my hard work fade away. I was back to not being able to leave the house without makeup on. I was angry. But I couldn't stop. I could literally cry writing this. I went from almost full eyebrows to nothing. Again. I stopped writing because what was the point of writing a blog about overcoming Trich when I couldn't.  I was embarrassed. I couldn't write about how terrible I was doing!!   But my nails HURT when I don't have fake nails on them because I bite them so bad.   My face doesn't hurt with no eyebrows.  So I always chose nails. I like how they look. And then I don't bite.

I know what you're thinking..."just polish them," they say.  "Just use that no bite stuff," they say. "Just get a no chip," they say.  Or here, how about this one...."just stop biting them, then," they say!   Let me tell you-there is NO "just" with Trichotillomania.  You can't just stop. You can't just put your hand down. I so wish I could explain it...but that's like trying to explain how someone feels with depression, or alcoholism.  Unless you have have no idea.

So...enter Jamberry. My fake nails started breaking (one broke all the way down to the quick..ouch!) My friend had started selling Jamberry and I was able to try it while visiting her. I had, at that point, put it on my fake nails, and let me tell you - that doesn't work! They were peeling from the front by the next morning. But anyway...not the point.  She had told me that Jamberry had really helped people grow out their real nails. I figured it couldn't hurt to try. So, as my nails broke, I went home and put a wrap on. For days I had half real nails with JB on, a few fake nails still and one wonky broken one.  ha ha. It was a trip, but I didn't care.  No  joke....FIVE MINUTES after a fake nail falls off, I bite it down to the quick.  Every.Damn.Time.  This time, I made it all the way home from work (20 minutes) without biting the ones that had broken that day. I put a wrap on, and 3 days later, I still hadn't bitten them!  THAT WAS HUGE!   I went to the store and bought acetone to soak off the rest of the fakes.  And finally, after over a week, last night, I soaked the rest off, did the whole "get rid of cuticle" routine (should have taken before and afters of this, but I only took an after).   And then a whole new set of Jams.  2 and a half hours people.   But worth every minute if It means I don't bite my nails.  Some are short, some are super pointy, some are longer and actually have a nice shape.  But we are going over a WEEK without biting.  I have faith that they will eventually be "even" and look nice. Patience.

I was SO SICK  of Jamberry.  Really, just for the fact that it was EVERY post in all my social media feeds and the fact that I was invited (without being asked) to no less than 5 parties per week (sometimes joke).  And now...I will probably be a customer for life.(and I'm posting my pictures)  (so now people are probably sick of me!  LOL).   They make my nails a little stronger-but not like a fake nail) And, it seriously boils down to like $4 per manicure (since I magically used only 3 1/2 wraps for all 10 fingers)- much cheaper than what I paid at the salon for fakes..and cheaper than no chips (which I tried once and bite).  I don't care if  have to do it EVERY week - I HAVE NAILS!

But back to the eyebrows...How does this help that?  With my real nails, I can't pull (as easily).  Fake nails are hard and thicker.  So I could get a good grip and pull.  My real nails bend.  My real nails I can't get a "grip" on the hair with them.  So I don't pull.  It is as simple as that.

To end, I want to make clear, this is in no way an advertisement for Jamberry. I am not selling them. I am not going to sell them. I am simply writing my experiences and what is going to help me overcome a lifelong battle.  I am happy to once again start over and grow my eyebrows (and now nails). I thank you all for you continued support.